Mat @MatCro

favstar.fm/users/MatCro Joined July 2010

Tweets

49K
Followers

11K
Following

585
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15K

Mat @MatCro

2 months ago

SWINOTAUR. THE LAST ONE SHOULD HAVE BEEN SWINOTAUR.

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Mat @MatCro

11 years ago

CENTAUR: My dad slept with a horse MINOTAUR: My mum slept with a bull PIGOTAUR: My dad was Prime Minister.

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Mat @MatCro

10 months ago

@M4ttso Thanks. That's it now until 2033

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Mat @MatCro

10 months ago

@M4ttso Thanks a lot mate. I've been working on that since 2017.

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Mat @MatCro

10 years ago

COP: Can you describe your attacker? ME: No COP: Didn't you see him? ME: Yes, but I have a poor grasp of adjectives

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Mat @MatCro

2 years ago

ME: I've been told I'm going to need a CT scan. DAVE: Have you got a date for it? ME: No, I'll probably go on my own.

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Stew Peters @realstewpeters

2 years ago

OCCUPIED WORLD PREMIERE: WARNING! Sensitive Content, Viewer Discretion is Advised x.com/i/broadcasts/1…

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Playteaux @Playteaux1

2 years ago

Visiting Your Grown Kids

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Marty Lawrence @TeaAndCopy

2 years ago

everyone on their third hour of watching the #OpeningCeremony

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If you're worried about people remembering every embarrassing thing you did, think about it. Can you remember other people's embarrassing moments? No. That's because you're the only one who's ever done something embarrassing. What the fuck is wrong with you lmao

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GlennyRodge @GlennyRodge

3 years ago

"My work here is done" - Yoda, pointing at his desk.

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Jon @ArfMeasures

8 years ago

Wife: Sarah's husband gives her flowers EVERY day. I wish you'd do that! Me: uh ok [next day] Me *giving Sarah flowers* no I don't get it either

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GlennyRodge @GlennyRodge

12 years ago

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times and I'm not sure if the shame alternates or if it's still me.

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Mat @MatCro

3 years ago

GF: Why do you always include me in your Strava titles when we go for a run? ME: (knowing it's to explain the slow pace to my mates) I want people to know how in love we are.

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Mat @MatCro

3 years ago

@ThemeParkWW Did this in the rain one day and it was super smooth (for an SLC) and faster than usual. Great fun.

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Mat @MatCro

3 years ago

@Stewa7t @ThemeParkWW @flamingolanduk We think Sik is the second best ride in the UK. Velocity is great fun and Kumali is a pretty smooth SLC. So, yes, a decent coaster line up and well worth a visit

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Mat @MatCro

4 years ago

A zillion hours of quality streaming at my fingertips and all I want to watch is a local historian talking about snickets and a guy from Uttoxeter going on rollercoasters.

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Mat @MatCro

4 years ago

@johnsrichardson Haha. Like that one.

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Mat @MatCro

4 years ago

What's a word or phrase that as soon as you heard it articulated something you were aware of but didn't have a name for? I'll start with mood hoover and bin juice.