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“Nobody Checks on the Strong Friend”
Let me tell you about Uri.
Uri is the friend everybody calls.
Heartbreak? Call Uri.
Need advice? Call Uri.
Broke and need help? Uri.
Having a terrible day at 1 a.m.? Somehow, Uri is still available.
She listens. She encourages. She always says:
“Don’t worry. You’ll be fine.”
So naturally, everybody assumes Uri is fine too.
Until one night, Uri got home, locked her door and cried.
She picked up her phone.
Plenty of messages.
But almost every message was from someone who needed something.
And she realized something:
Nobody had asked how she was doing.
Every friend group has that person.
The strong one.
The therapist.
The problem-solver.
The person everybody believes can handle anything.
Maybe while I’m speaking, someone has already entered your mind.
Or maybe…
you’re that person.
The problem with always being called “strong” is that people eventually forget you can get tired too.
And sometimes, when somebody finally asks, “Are you okay?”
You say:
“I’m fine.”
Not because you’re fine.
But because you’re so used to helping everyone else that asking for help feels uncomfortable.
Here’s what we often forget:
Struggling doesn’t always look like struggling.
The funniest person in the room can be lonely.
The friend giving everybody advice can be confused about their own life.
The person saying, “Don’t give up,” might be struggling to follow their own advice.
Someone can be smiling, working, posting and showing up every day…
and still not be okay.
Being functional doesn’t always mean being fine.
So what do we do?
Check on people before they break down.
Especially the people who rarely ask for help.
Send that friend a message without needing anything.
Ask:
“How are you really doing?”
And if you’re the strong friend, remember this:
You’re allowed to need people too.
You’re allowed to say:
“I’m not okay today.”
Strength doesn’t mean carrying everything alone.
Before you sleep tonight, think about that one person who is always there for everybody.
Send them a message.
Not because you need advice.
Not because you need money.
Not because you need a favour.
Just say:
“Hey, I’m checking on you. How are you really doing?”
Because sometimes the people who check on everybody…
are secretly waiting for someone to check on them.
So I’ll leave you with one question:
Who checks on the strong friend?
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Morning.
The week is still quiet,
still soft around the edges,
still full of space for whatever you decide to fill it with.
Take your time with it.
There’s no rush to be impressive today.
Just begin.
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