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Tweets24K
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Followers29K
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Following596
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Likes396K
AI took my job but quit after two days because of boredom.
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@DaddyJew @dadmann_walking Good thinking Trent
eEric retweeted
People say I'm a terrible father, but when my four year old broke his collar bone, who's the guy that dropped him off at the emergency room?
eEric retweeted
I’ve had my time and I’m not really worried if I’ll have it again.
eEric retweeted
WOMAN: some people shouldn't have children ME: [placing my screaming son in her shopping cart] thank you
@theshamingofjay I am NOT happy about this decision, but you’re playing well.
@GovernorShapiro What’s up with Pa state minimum wage? It’s embarrassing.
eEric retweeted
I don't think Alexander Graham Bell intended for us to watch porn over the telephone.
My wife wants to join a cross training gym but she’s not sure if it’ll be too much for her so I suggested she start off slowly by turning off all the lights before she goes to bed.
Seems like just yesterday I was reading instructions on how to open a box of wine and now I can open it with one hand in the car.
eEric retweeted
NASA: you've been selected to spend a year on the space station ME: wow that's awesome NASA: you and your entire family! ME: oh ok no thanks
eEric retweeted
30 days has September April June and November All the rest have 31 Except January which has 4,000
@GovernorShapiro How’s the minimum wage increase going
eEric retweeted
People say I'm a terrible father, but when my four year old broke his collar bone, who's the guy that dropped him off at the emergency room?
eEric retweeted
Parenthood: When you make enough money to live an exciting, comfortable, stress free life, but decide to have kids instead.
@MikeGallagher70 @EmbarrassedTomC I’m not. Conservatives don’t want min wage raised.
Trey @treydayway
47K Followers 5K Following *Something profound* - @treydayway https://t.co/c64nfwFO1X
The Real Rodney Lacro... @RealRodLacroix
45K Followers 8K Following Disappointing people since 1968. | EVERYTHING: https://t.co/JN2RmmLu5i | Latest Tweets: https://t.co/F2vUtf3nx6
Boyd's Backyard™ @TheBoydP
101K Followers 18K Following I’d rather be working on my yard. I retweet regular people, more tweets are in Highlights and here: https://t.co/i666KlIDUh
mark @TheCatWhisprer
44K Followers 2K Following Nobody wrote 'stay cool' in my yearbook, the only signer was my math teacher Mr. Johansson and he just wrote 'Mr. Johansson' | @OrlandoMagic stan | SavedbyGrace
Ꮍᴀᴇʟ @elle91
21K Followers 296 Following Writer, animal foster person, 69 inches tall. If you let me write for your thing, I'll kiss you right on the head. IG/the.yael
sixfootcandy @sixfootcandy
51K Followers 6K Following Gen Xer with opinions, observations, and a sense of humor. @bitedraft coming soon.
The Cultured Ruffian @CulturedRuffian
228K Followers 75K Following Instagram: @theculturedruffian Donut Dad Bod. Tweets are mine, videos aren't. https://t.co/hvJ5WZMGRd
Benny 'The Pole' Roll... @citizenkawala
23K Followers 8K Following Australian Jim Morrison | Real person | Dave's mate | 1053 https://t.co/PN73YRdrct
Mariya Alexander @MariyaAlexander
17K Followers 814 Following Sentient meat sack. Very demure. Very mindful. Hobbies include: colonizing, occupying, controlling the banks and media. https://t.co/btrGt4suBz
Dan Duvall @DanDuvallComedy
30K Followers 2K Following Standup Comic and former guy who uses Twitter
Little Greenis @DurtMcHurtt
22K Followers 2K Following https://t.co/HREAfSgLSJ https://t.co/RXZ32W17IY geriatric millennial
Todd 'Papi' Carlos @TheToddWilliams
24K Followers 670 Following Engineer I'm also on BlueSky. Same name.
jo @whatsJo
43K Followers 991 Following b-side. I eat popsicles for breakfast. Trial ft error. 🤖rights. crusha bit, lil bit✨
sweatpants cher🔸 @House_Feminist
29K Followers 582 Following • unverified account • woke sleeper cell • sorry for all the times I defended social media as a net positive force • she/her •
🏜 @sr1s0ra
81 Followers 766 Following
Bear 🍂 @thebarrytoned
666 Followers 5K Following DMV living. Tuning out the noise. Tuning in for music, mental health, TV, good conversation, and a sepia filter. ⚾ Sox/Nats 🏒 Caps 🏈 Commanders 🏀 Celtics
Phillip Smith @Phillip85317192
3K Followers 5K Following
Abigail Isabella @Abigail112i
325 Followers 2K Following Nice, easy-going, and always happy to have a good conversation. 😊 Here to meet new friends, share good vibes, and get to know amazing people.😜😜😜
Sabrina Nichole @sabrina60639
258 Followers 5K Following
RiseAgainDaily @HandyandHumble3
430 Followers 1K Following Live... Love... Laugh... God Bless you all 🙏🇮🇪
Tejas Freedom @TracyPhillsy
100 Followers 1K Following
Joan Jonesberg @JoanJonesberg
3 Followers 97 Following Official Mom of the Year Winner. HOA president. PTA president. Captain of the neighborhood watch. Sleep is for the weak.
Andrew the Abstract @MunhengaWenungu
2K Followers 3K Following When the seagulls follow the trawler, it is because they think sardines will be thrown into the sea
. @poopooptoot
1 Followers 320 Following
linda @Abdulroqee32683
378 Followers 2K Following
Anghrija Chakraborty @Anghrija
81 Followers 207 Following Shattered moments; solids and spaces; surfaces and infinity.
NotAbabyMurderer @mommovesherbaby
1K Followers 3K Following "Archangels Michael, Gabriel, and Raphael, we invoke your powerful intercession before the throne of God in heaven. By your spiritual assistance, protect us 🙏
Angelica Pacheco @AngiePachecoFL
543 Followers 1K Following Former Hialeah Councilwoman & RN. Targeted for "deterrent effect" — the DOJ's own words. Survivor of a weaponized system. #43Americans 🙏🇺🇸 Never lose faith.
Jim @Macksteele1
103 Followers 670 Following
TATOO MATEOS STUDIOS @AMIRAGOLDpici
85 Followers 683 Following
Johan Mark @JohanMarkc7
28 Followers 107 Following
Silverfox @CheSilverfox
75 Followers 314 Following Former slave of Folgers, this inspired mind is ready for adventure and change. The Challenge has been issued and Beyond the map has called to my soul.
Mariajose @Mariajosemhg0
45 Followers 450 Following
Wedgie Nerd @diapeboi_jordan
795 Followers 365 Following 👓 The Wedgie Nerd | Property of Master ⛓️ 🧪 Nerd Cuck | Extreme tension & hanging. 📉 📋 Status: I am the equipment. I only follow orders. 😰
Ruby reid @Ruby_reid336
29 Followers 187 Following
@princesse USA 🇺�... @princessegd8
51 Followers 1K Following SEVEN FIGURE ENTREPRENEURS🗽 ... I help people scale their businesses & invest for long-term freedom.🌍 FREE 4 DAY MENTORSHIP🌋
Alisha James @AlishaJames28
299 Followers 7K Following Here is my new x account for hookup. follow me I will follow back. 🥰
Chris Summers @ChrisSu84381835
71 Followers 188 Following Just your average ordinary everyday superhero. Tell me something good that I don't know.
Sex Education جنس�... @mdcosycotw9
31 Followers 522 Following جنسي تعليم ھتي اوهان کي ھر قسم جي سوال جا جواب ملندا زندگيءَ ۾ ھر شيء عارضي آ تنھنڪري الله پاڪ کي ياد ڪريو ھر وقت
Benny at MoneyForPoke... @moneyforpoker
132 Followers 1K Following Seeking business partners 🚨 Aim: Revolutionize gaming payments/entries; become the industry's PayPal-Uber, and achieve a multi-million acquisition. DM me!
Mary @Maryh3xd
1 Followers 66 Following
Valerie K @musicdogsnwine
265 Followers 615 Following Proud mom!! I love music, dogs, and reading. Joined to follow my favorite performer and Sidewalk Angels. I have great friends here❤️❤️🤗
Simen Lian @entotrefire567
6 Followers 255 Following
madi 🐾 @madijapf
3 Followers 245 Following 18 🌿 have new spicy page... and im looking for someone to make content with ⬇️
madi ✨ @madilcag
3 Followers 192 Following 18 🪐 just made spicy page... and i rly want someone to make content with ⬇️
maya 🫶 @mayazuky
14 Followers 368 Following 18 🍒 alt account got new of... and i rly need a content buddy ⇣
Matt Stewart @bodine30
48 Followers 351 Following Got me a wife, three beautiful kids, two dogs, and I'm a UI developer currently working at Fox in Salt Lake City, UT.
submissive sissy @yourslave232
33 Followers 62 Following
Matheus luiz @Matheus62972868
100 Followers 2K Following
Leslie Frigon @LesFrig
0 Followers 25 Following
Philip Minty @philip_minty
0 Followers 42 Following
throbhart @deepfeederz
123 Followers 682 Following
Trey @treydayway
47K Followers 5K Following *Something profound* - @treydayway https://t.co/c64nfwFO1X
The Real Rodney Lacro... @RealRodLacroix
45K Followers 8K Following Disappointing people since 1968. | EVERYTHING: https://t.co/JN2RmmLu5i | Latest Tweets: https://t.co/F2vUtf3nx6
Boyd's Backyard™ @TheBoydP
101K Followers 18K Following I’d rather be working on my yard. I retweet regular people, more tweets are in Highlights and here: https://t.co/i666KlIDUh
mark @TheCatWhisprer
44K Followers 2K Following Nobody wrote 'stay cool' in my yearbook, the only signer was my math teacher Mr. Johansson and he just wrote 'Mr. Johansson' | @OrlandoMagic stan | SavedbyGrace
Ꮍᴀᴇʟ @elle91
21K Followers 296 Following Writer, animal foster person, 69 inches tall. If you let me write for your thing, I'll kiss you right on the head. IG/the.yael
sixfootcandy @sixfootcandy
51K Followers 6K Following Gen Xer with opinions, observations, and a sense of humor. @bitedraft coming soon.
The Cultured Ruffian @CulturedRuffian
228K Followers 75K Following Instagram: @theculturedruffian Donut Dad Bod. Tweets are mine, videos aren't. https://t.co/hvJ5WZMGRd
Benny 'The Pole' Roll... @citizenkawala
23K Followers 8K Following Australian Jim Morrison | Real person | Dave's mate | 1053 https://t.co/PN73YRdrct
Mariya Alexander @MariyaAlexander
17K Followers 814 Following Sentient meat sack. Very demure. Very mindful. Hobbies include: colonizing, occupying, controlling the banks and media. https://t.co/btrGt4suBz
Dan Duvall @DanDuvallComedy
30K Followers 2K Following Standup Comic and former guy who uses Twitter
Little Greenis @DurtMcHurtt
22K Followers 2K Following https://t.co/HREAfSgLSJ https://t.co/RXZ32W17IY geriatric millennial
Todd 'Papi' Carlos @TheToddWilliams
24K Followers 670 Following Engineer I'm also on BlueSky. Same name.
jo @whatsJo
43K Followers 991 Following b-side. I eat popsicles for breakfast. Trial ft error. 🤖rights. crusha bit, lil bit✨
Gavin Newsom @GavinNewsom
3.2M Followers 18K Following Husband to @JenSiebelNewsom and father. 40th Governor of California. Host of podcast This is Gavin Newsom.
inspector ratchet @_hood_mona_lisa
20K Followers 6K Following Public menace. Bog Witch. Level 58 Trainwreck. Costco Gold Star Member.
Chess.com @chesscom
723K Followers 846 Following The world's largest chess community. 275 million members. Join today! Live coverage: @chess24com ♟️ Support: @chesscomsupport 💚 Community: @GreenPawns 👪
Karen Rogers @karenrogers6abc
40K Followers 3K Following Morning meteorologist for 6abc in Philadelphia - trying to make mornings brighter!!
Krabb @Krabbkrabboec1
62 Followers 525 Following Cameraman celebrating the supposed authenticity of an ascriptive category since 1988, Round Earther
Allison Chains @nessydyer
2K Followers 4K Following Writer/artist, bastard child since '86, zombie slayer and firecracker. Member of Jean-Claude Van Band (vocals... and everything else....)
Late to the party Lau... @ericamorecambe
5K Followers 1K Following I’m not sure that it’s me who’s late or you who is early? On IG and Bluesky with the same name.
Mumnipotent Ruler @MumOfTw0
4K Followers 1K Following Mum of 2 under 2 in 2022. Here for the laughs on all things parenting and marriage!
It’s 𝘿𝙖𝙣�... @HourLongSauce
2K Followers 931 Following One half of The Mixed Tag Podcast | Awkward AF | SKOL 💜
Mummy Dear @ThatMummyLife
12K Followers 1K Following life, spicy chips, ghosts, history and jokes 🇨🇦
Cameron Bradford @camerobradford
27K Followers 999 Following Take my hand, we'll weather this storm together.
uncle mom @mayamanion
12K Followers 6K Following subpar mom, shitty waitress, Columbo aficionado https://t.co/V8Yq5kdfIh
Jeff is Tall @JeffisTallguy
15K Followers 558 Following Father / Video Game enthusiast. I share my brain words to you. Header by @ianpauldukes. Senior Manager of Social Media for @BASILISK_gg
H Anthony Hildebrand @hahildebrand
5K Followers 909 Following Writer and noisemaker. He/him. AKA Dog Swamp Residents Association Also: https://t.co/0RKuAmx30b And: https://t.co/XskKccTnyg
Car Dealership Guy @GuyDealership
438K Followers 870 Following The voice of auto retail | news, intelligence & industry insight
Mette Angerhofer @MetteAngerhofer
7K Followers 2K Following Slightly frazzled mother of three. Writer. Not a domestic goddess. Find me on Instagram: https://t.co/WkCmZXMf6U
Worst Cass Scenario @WorstCassie
16K Followers 8K Following I don't know why Girls Gone Mild never took off.
Brooks Otterlake @i_zzzzzz
89K Followers 1K Following Send me your address so I can visit you and explain my passions
Megan Amram @meganamram
880K Followers 4K Following it's this weird, sexual, anti-comedy comedy that's 'in' right now. - my mom
🌺Tita🍍🌈✊�... @VTTPacificTita
7K Followers 661 Following Deleted at 30k 🥺 USNavyCombatVet. MBA. AutismMom. Irreverent AF. https://t.co/DSfa9OIUnI
Kate’s Fate @katvonwitt
16K Followers 2K Following I’m like the Sun. You should probably just soak up everything. https://t.co/S2NR4i2ieI
Ted Bird 🇮🇱 @manofbird
12K Followers 3K Following Co-host of Standing By: The Terry and Ted Podcast. Semi-retired layabout.
Real Life Mommy @reallifemommy3
31K Followers 3K Following Twitter is cheaper than therapy. Tweets are mine 👀@huffpost @TODAY_Parents @buzzfeed @babycenter @chicagotribune @boredpanda @thepoke @thechive ...
That Mom Tho @mom_tho
45K Followers 2K Following contributor @scarymommy [email protected] Tweets: https://t.co/5zWeBtUUx6
Michael Smerconish @smerconish
245K Followers 3K Following SiriusXM POTUS Channel 124 9am-12 ET daily, Encore 9pm-12 ET. CNN Saturdays 9am ET. https://t.co/skTNHiaJtB
John Fetterman @JohnFetterman
849K Followers 4K Following Dad, husband, U.S. Senator for the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania. For official updates, follow @SenFettermanPA 🇺🇸
👛Handbaglvr👛 @UKWildcatgal
11K Followers 9K Following Female chauvinist. Publicist to 3 cats & 3 dogs. Retired English Teacher. Tell your therapist, not me. Put away the questionnaire; I'm not applying. #BBN #F1
ThisOneSays @ThisOneSayz
17K Followers 5K Following Winging this life. Check back for no helpful tips whatsoever. https://t.co/8mX27QK6yN
threetimedaddy @threetimedaddy
13K Followers 1K Following
Satirical Mommy @SatiricalMommy
6K Followers 511 Following Sleep deprived boy mom. Jennifer Garner liked my tweet. Seen on @scarymommy, @huffpost, @buzzfeed, @todayparents & more. | Scary Mommy Content Creator
Matt Knudsen @mattknudsen
9K Followers 1K Following 📺 Shrinking, Key & Peele, ITYSL 🎙 Conan, Late Late Show, Dry Bar COMEDY REEL: https://t.co/76KvVDb5jO https://t.co/arFq3RDjEKYou might like
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